View source for Fights

{{Quote|Now I like (A), but I also like (B). But which is better? There's only one way to find out, FIGHT!!!|[[Harry Hill]]}}

The '''fights''' are pre-advertisement battles that attempt to determine which of two people or things from a scene are "best", such as "babies or cats" (from an episode of ''[[The Apprentice]]''), "chicken or turkey", "White Rat or Brown Rat" (from a nature documentary), "[[Mars bar|Mars]] or meat" (from ''Life on Mars'') or even "[[Jesus]] or [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]". After making the comparison, Hill's signature tagline follows: "But which is better? (A) or (B)? There's only one way to find out... FIGHT!", at which point two actors representing the characters of the comparison appear from either side and engage in a wrestling match while Hill goads them on (usually favouring one specific party). After the commercial break, the programme continues as normal, making no reference to the fight or who won it.

== List of fights ==
{|class="wikitable"|
! Episode !! Combatants !! Notes
|-
| [[Pilot]] || Modern Children's TV vs. Classic Children's TV || A Teletubby fought a Womble
|-
| [[Episode 1.1|1.1]] || Harry Potter vs. The Doctor ||
|-
| [[Episode 1.2|1.2]] || Children in Need vs. Comic Relief || Pudsey Bear fought a Red Nose Day nose; Russell Crowe attacked the latter
|-
| [[Episode 1.3|1.3]] || Horatio Nelson vs. Winston Churchill ||
|-
| [[Episode 1.4|1.4]] || Ainsley Harriott vs. Gary Rhodes || "Food Fight"
|-
| [[Episode 1.5|1.5]] || Charlotte Church vs. Liam Gallagher ||
|-
| [[Episode 1.6|1.6]] || Jesus vs. Santa Claus || Jesus knocked Santa out with one punch
|-
| [[Episode 2.1|2.1]] || Derren Brown vs. David Blaine || 
|-
| [[Episode 2.2|2.2]] || Simon Cowell vs. Neil Fox || "Bitch Fight" (over their comments on Michelle McManus on ''Pop Idol'')
|-
| [[Episode 2.3|2.3]] || Charles and Diana Ingram vs. Neil and Christine Hamilton ||
|-
| [[Episode 2.4|2.4]] || Henry VIII vs. Charles II ||
|-
| [[Episode 2.5|2.5]] || Jonny Wilkinson vs. Geoff Hurst ||
|-
| [[Episode 2.6|2.6]] || Catholicism vs. Hinduism || The Pope fought Vishnu
|-
| [[Episode 2.7|2.7]] || New ''Top of the Pops'' vs. Old ''Top of the Pops'' || Tim Kash fought Jimmy Savile
|-
| [[Episode 2.8|2.8]] || Santa Claus vs. Saddam Hussein || Santa was the first returning combatant
|-
| [[Episode 3.1|3.1]] || Cilla Black vs. Davina McCall ||
|-
| [[Episode 3.2|3.2]] || Miriam Rivera vs. Hayley Cropper ||
|-
| [[Episode 3.3|3.3]] || Mel Gibson vs. Peter Jackson || Gibson was dressed as William Wallace in ''Braveheart''
|-
| [[Episode 3.4|3.4]] || Kieren Fallon vs. James Hewitt ||
|-
| [[Episode 3.5|3.5]] || New ''Starsky and Hutch'' vs. Classic ''Starsky and Hutch'' || Starsky and Hutch (as portrayed by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson) fought Starsky and Hutch (as portrayed by Paul Michael Glaser and David Soul)
|-
| [[Episode 3.6|3.6]] || Jeremy Bowen vs. God ||
|-
| [[Episode 3.7|3.7]] || The Archbishop of Canterbury vs. the Footballers' Wives ||
|-
| [[Episode 4.1|4.1]] || Jennie Bond vs. Pete Waterman || "Who has the most boring anecdotes that go nowhere?"
|-
| [[Episode 4.2|4.2]] || Short Pink Blonde Nurse Who Does Lengths vs. Tall Pink Blonde Nurse Who Does Widths || "Who is best at patrolling the corridors in ''Casualty''?"
|-
| [[Episode 4.3|4.3]] || Shark vs. Toaster || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 4|Best Of 4]]<br>Repeated on [[TV Burp Gold|Gold]]
|-
| [[Episode 4.4|4.4]] || Brown Rat vs. Black Rat ||
|-
| [[Episode 4.5|4.5]] || Karen McDonald vs. Giant Blue Tit ||
|-
| [[Episode 4.6|4.6]] || Tracey vs. Little Tracey || from ''Chubby Chasers''
|-
| [[Episode 5.1|5.1]] || Derek Acorah vs. Scooby-Doo || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp|Best Of 1]]
|-
| [[Episode 5.2|5.2]] || Jack Regan vs. Gene Hunt ||
|-
| [[Episode 5.3|5.3]] || Nookie Bear vs. Napoleon || "Who is the better leader?" - question directly asked on ''Holby City''
|-
| [[Episode 5.4|5.4]] || Anthea Turner vs. Paul Burrell || "Which is better at telling us where we're going wrong?"
|-
| [[Episode 5.5|5.5]] || Oprah Winfrey vs. Big Mac || 
|-
| [[Episode 5.6|5.6]] || Dev Alahan vs. Sunita Alahan || During a sketch where both Dev and Sunita appeared on ''Trisha''<br>Trisha Goddard said "see you after the break" rather than Harry<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 15|Best Of 15]]
|-
| [[Episode 5.7|5.7]] || Baby vs. Kitten || "Which is better for calendars?"<br>Combatants were a real baby and a real cat, and did not fight at all
|-
| [[Episode 5.8|5.8]] || Pig vs. Squirrel || "Which makes a better thief?"
|-
| [[Episode 5.9|5.9]] || Captain of the ''Titanic'' vs. Iceberg || "Which was to blame for the sinking?"
|-
| [[Episode 5.10|5.10]] || Tree vs. Lighting Rig || "Which is worse to fall on your head?"<br>Only the tree emerged from the door; the lighting rig fell from above and hit the tree
|-
| [[Harry Hill's Christmas TV Burp|5.Xmas]] || Mo Slater vs. Turkey || Repeated on [[The Best of Christmas TV Burp|Best Of Christmas]]
|-
| [[Episode 6.1|6.1]] || Rebecca Fowler's Cuddly Rabbit vs. Ken Barlow's Cuddly Elephant || 
|-
| [[Episode 6.2|6.2]] || Phil Mitchell vs. Mr. Blobby || "Which is better at crashing through doors?"<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 3|Best Of 3]]
|-
| [[Episode 6.3|6.3]] || The ''Walford Gazette'' vs. the ''Hotten Courier'' ||
|-
| [[Episode 6.4|6.4]] || Ruth, the Chocolate Woman vs. John, the Man With No Detail || "Which drawing on ''Farm of Fussy Eaters'' is a better insight into the real person beneath?"
|-
| [[Episode 6.5|6.5]] || Seagull vs. Sick Ferret || "Which is the better catch?"
|-
| [[Episode 6.6|6.6]] || ScorpiPat vs. the Cushion Monster || "Which is more frightening?"
|-
| [[Episode 6.7|6.7]] || Mars vs. Meat || A Mars bar fought a hanging beef (which came in on an overhead cable)<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 5|Best Of 5]]
|-
| [[Episode 6.8|6.8]] || West Ham Hooligan vs. Manchester United Hooligan || Combatants did not fight, only insulted each other
|-
| [[Episode 6.9|6.9]] || Old-Fashioned Dinosaur vs. Blue Tit || Only the Blue Tit emerged from the door; the Dinosaur's foot came from above and crushed the Blue Tit<br>The Blue Tit was the second returning combatant
|-
| [[Episode 6.10|6.10]] || Worth TVE-500 vs. Vertical Incline Shaft Tunnel Boring Machine || Fight took place underground<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 2|Best Of 2]]
|-
| [[Episode 6.11|6.11]] || Derek vs. Derek's Pillow || from ''Sleep Clinic''
|-
| [[Episode 6.12|6.12]] || Spandau Ballet vs. Duran Duran || Set a new record for most combatants, with 10<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 17|Best Of 17]]
|-
| [[Episode 6.13|6.13]] || Tomas Covalenco vs. "Holly" || "Which is the better abandoned baby?"
|-
| [[Christmas TV Burp 2007|6.Xmas]] || Turkey vs. Goose || The Turkey was not the same as in 5.Xmas, being a live turkey rather than a cooked one
|-
| [[Episode 7.1|7.1]] || "Hasn't Mr. Blobby Let Himself Go?" Duvet vs. "Giant Flippered Maggot" Duvet || 
|-
| [[Episode 7.2|7.2]] || Jamie Oliver vs. Gordon Ramsay vs. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall || "Food Fight" (second Food Fight)
|-
| [[Episode 7.3|7.3]] || Pets vs. Paranormals || A real dog (replaced by a stuffed toy) fought a ghost
|-
| [[Episode 7.4|7.4]] || 12:00 vs. 12:30 || "Which is the better time for a funeral?"
|-
| [[Episode 7.5|7.5]] || Elephant Cam vs. Tortoise Cam || An elephant fought a tortoise; fight was shown from the perspective of the two cameras
|-
| [[Episode 7.6|7.6]] || Being Carried Off By a Wasp vs. Taking an Early Bath || A wasp fought David Attenborough in a bath
|-
| [[Episode 7.7|7.7]] || Gambian Giant Pouched Rat vs. Conventional Mine-Clearing Machines ||
|-
| [[Episode 7.8|7.8]] || Mr. Broccoli Carrot Face vs. Crisp Man ||
|-
| [[Episode 7.9|7.9]] || Peter Therapy Buddy vs. Simon Therapy Buddy ||
|-
| [[Episode 7.10|7.10]] || Toilet Seat Up vs. Toilet Seat Down ||
|-
| [[Episode 7.11|7.11]] || Fiz Brown's Straw Donkey vs. Roy Cropper's Toy Giraffe ||
|-
| [[Episode 7.12|7.12]] || Charlie Thomason vs. Slow Extra on ''EastEnders'' || "Which is slowest?"<br>Combatants were so slow that they still had not reached each other by the time the ad break ended; the fight was called off and they were told to walk (slowly) back to their doors
|-
| [[Episode 7.13|7.13]] || Betty Williams' Hotpot vs. Vernon Tomlin's Lamb Shank ||
|-
| [[Episode 8.1|8.1]] || Bear Grylls vs. the Sea ||
|-
| [[Episode 8.2|8.2]] || Heather Mills vs. Adolf Hitler || "Which is the naughtiest vegetarian?"<br>Harry notably supported Hitler in this fight<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 13|Best Of 13]]
|-
| [[Episode 8.3|8.3]] || Spaghetti Bolognese vs. Two Cherries on an Ironing Board ||
|-
| [[Episode 8.4|8.4]] || Gorillas vs. Smurfs || Started a Series 8 running gag of Smurfs trying to attack gorillas wherever they appeared<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 9|Best Of 9]]
|-
| [[Episode 8.5|8.5]] || German Worms vs. French Worms ||
|-
| [[Episode 8.6|8.6]] || George Best vs. Jim Morrison vs. Engelbert Humperdinck vs. Michael Rennie vs. David Frost vs. Sean Connery vs. Paul McCartney || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 6|Best Of 6]]<br>Repeated on [[TV Burp Gold 2|Gold 2]]
|-
| [[Episode 8.7|8.7]] || King Prawn vs. Baby || Different Baby from 5.7, being played by an adult man in a costume
|-
| [[Episode 8.8|8.8]] || Dog in the Womb vs. Cat in the Womb || Combatants did not reach each other as they were held back by umbilical cords
|-
| [[Episode 8.9|8.9]] || Smile vs. Wind || Wind was represented by a loud breaking of wind and a gale that blew Smile over
|-
| [[Episode 8.10|8.10]] || Undercooked Jacket Potato vs. Cold Bath || 
|-
| [[TV Burp Review of the Year 2008|8.Review]] || Albert the Dog vs. Corky the Parrot || 
|-
| [[Episode 8.16|8.16]]|| Little Chef vs. Fat Duck || 
|-
| [[Episode 8.17|8.17]]|| Rounded-Shelled Tortoise vs. Tortoise with a Shell that Has a Peak to Enable It to Reach Up for Higher Vegetation || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 10|Best Of 10]]
|-
| [[Episode 8.18|8.18]]|| Biscuits vs. Cakes || 
|-
| [[Episode 9.4|9.4]] || British Bee vs. Italian Bee || 
|-
| [[Episode 9.5|9.5]] || Dog Sled vs. the Internet || 
|-
| [[Episode 9.6|9.6]] || Tarte Tatin vs. Trifle || 
|-
| [[Episode 9.7|9.7]] || Mermaids vs. Boobies || Two policemen emerged from the door instead of the boobies; Harry clarified that they weren't looking for '''bobbies''', so the policemen left<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 7|Best Of 7]]
|-
| [[Episode 8.23|8.23]]|| Crash Test Dummy vs. Chest Impactor || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 8|Best Of 8]]
|-
| [[Episode 8.24|8.24]]|| Pasta vs. Nothing || The pasta had no opponent and walked off
|-
| [[Episode 8.25|8.25]]|| Cushion Headed Boy vs. Bowl Headed Girl || Two "new characters" introduced in ''Coronation Street'' and ''EastEnders''
|-
| [[Episode 10.1|10.1]] || Ahimsa vs. Satya || Two blocks with the Sanskrit words fought each other
|-
| [[Episode 10.2|10.2]] || Ashley Thomas vs. Vincent Spode vs. two other vicars vs. two nuns vs. the Pope vs. a bishop vs. an Eastern Orthodox priest vs. Mahatma Gandhi || "Vicar Fight" (in reference to a fight between vicars Thomas and Spode on ''Emmerdale'')<br>A cow on a quad bike appeared<br>Tied the record for total combatants set in 6.12<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 12|Best Of 12]]
|-
| [[Episode 10.3|10.3]] || Cow Pat Shampoo vs. Cow Wee Rinse || Harry opened one door and was sprayed by cow urine and faeces<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 19|Best Of 19]]<br>Repeated on [[TV Burp Gold 3|Gold 3]]
|-
| [[Episode 10.4|10.4]] || Ricky Butcher vs. Sam Mitchell || "Which is thicker?"<br>Both combatants proved too stupid to open the doors<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 11|Best Of 11]]
|-
| [[Episode 10.5|10.5]] || Barry Gibb vs. High-Voiced Man on ''Coal House at War'' ||
|-
| [[Episode 10.6|10.6]] || Tree vs. Bench || Bench was already in the studio; the Tree fell on it and collapsed it<br>Not the same Tree from 5.10, which was a man in a costume
|-
| [[Episode 10.7|10.7]] || The Belmont vs. the Capulet vs. the Montague || Three brides wearing the mentioned wedding dresses fought each other
|-
| [[Episode 10.8|10.8]] || Chris' Heart-of-the-Midlands Breakfast Chipolata vs. Gary's Royal Venison and Whisky Sausage || from ''Young Butcher of the Year''<br>The butchers Chris and Gary fought each other while riding their respective sausages<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 20|Best Of 20]]
|-
| [[TV Burp Review of the Year 2009|10.Review]] || Daniel Craig vs. Harry Hill || Harry was portrayed by a double<br>Strangely, the real Harry supported Daniel Craig and not himself
|-
| [[Episode 11.1|11.1]] || Light Green Soldier vs. Dark Green Soldier || Started as a clip of ''Wild at Heart'' where Harry narrated a boy playing with toy soldiers<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 14|Best Of 14]]
|-
| [[Episode 11.2|11.2]] || Perfectly Straight Bean vs. Bent Bean || 
|-
| [[Episode 11.3|11.3]] || Fake Coyote vs. Fake Badger || 
|-
| [[Episode 11.4|11.4]] || Dog vs. Budgie with No Flamin' Beak || 
|-
| [[Episode 11.5|11.5]] || Miss England vs. Miss Manchester || Miss Manchester was knocked out with one punch<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 16|Best Of 16]]
|-
| [[Episode 11.6|11.6]] || Hojaldre vs. Pasteleria Salada || "Puff Pastry vs. Savoury Pastry"<br>Introduced by Harry in Spanish
|-
| [[Episode 11.7|11.7]] || Middle of the Biscuit Oven vs. Top of the Biscuit Oven vs. Tip-Top of the Biscuit Oven || 
|-
| [[Episode 9.22|9.22]]|| Left-Hand End of the Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich vs. Right-Hand End of the Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich || 
|-
| [[Episode 12.1|12.1]] || Alex "the Reidernator" Reid's Snowman vs. Tom "Kong" Watson's Snowman || 
|-
| [[Episode 12.2|12.2]] || Goblin Grub vs. Gublin Grob || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 18|Best Of 18]]
|-
| [[Episode 12.3|12.3]] || The Royal Family vs. the Full English Breakfast || Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 22|Best Of 22]]
|-
| [[Episode 12.4|12.4]] || "The Commercially-Available Instant Noodle Product" vs. ''River Cottage''<nowiki>'</nowiki>s Immediate Noodly Pot-Based Item || First combatant is Pot Noodle, as ''River Cottage'' was avoiding direct references to Pot Noodle
|-
| [[Episode 12.5|12.5]] || Feathered Birds vs. Ladybirds || 
|-
| [[Episode 12.6|12.6]] || Steve and Little Aggie vs. Tim and His Boy Isaac vs. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Louisa || Max Branning joined in the fight
|-
| [[Episode 12.7|12.7]] || Topiary Peacock vs. Topiary Sparrow || 
|-
| [[Episode 12.8|12.8]] || Tawny Pipit vs. Meadow Pipit || Two meadow pipits showed up (as a tawny pipit looks like a meadow pipit from behind), so Harry called the fight off
|-
| [[Episode 13.1|13.1]] || Old Paper with a Lot of Parallel Lines and Watermark in the Centre with Traces of the Wire that the Paper Was Made On vs. Much, Much Smoother Paper that Allows You to Smooth It Much, Much More that Was Made on a Woven Wire Mesh || 
|-
| [[Episode 13.2|13.2]] || Being Nervous vs. Being Knackered || Neither combatant showed up, as one was too nervous and the other was too knackered<br>Repeated on [[Cream of TV Burp|Cream]]
|-
| [[Episode 13.3|13.3]] || Black Pepper vs. White Pepper || 
|-
| [[Episode 13.4|13.4]] || Nuns vs. Take That || If any pair of the nuns was among of the nuns from 10.2, they are returning combatants<br>Third to tie the record for total combatants set in 6.12 and 10.2
|-
| [[Episode 13.5|13.5]] || Young Black-and-White David Attenborough vs. Modern Colour David Attenborough || 
|-
| [[Episode 13.6|13.6]] || Single Parents vs. Step-Parents vs. Gay Parents || The gay parents were represented by Elton John and David Furnish
|-
| [[Episode 13.7|13.7]] || Ancient Tree vs. Dinosaur vs. Rock || Rock fell from above, crushing the other two
|-
| [[Episode 13.8|13.8]] || David Platt vs. Gail Platt vs. Becky McDonald vs. Kylie Turner || Actual fight scene from ''Coronation Street'', which Harry entered and joined in, along with [[Heather Trott]], [[Knobbin]], [[the Knitted Character]], mannequin Ross Kemp, and [[Wagbo]]<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 21|Best Of 21]]
|-
| [[Episode 14.1|14.1]] || Paw vs. Claw || 
|-
| [[Episode 14.2|14.2]] || Katy Ice vs. King Michael of Brendonia || 
|-
| [[Episode 14.3|14.3]] || Scones from Devon with the Cream On First vs. Scones from Cornwall with the Jam On First || 
|-
| [[Episode 14.4|14.4]] || The Meat Itself vs. the Tomatoes Themselves ||
|-
| [[Episode 14.5|14.5]] || Tamara Ecclestone's Shampoo vs. The Odd Spot ||
|-
| [[Episode 14.6|14.6]] || Custard Cream vs. Jammie Dodger vs. Ginger Biscuit vs. Penguin ||
|-
| [[Episode 14.7|14.7]] || Ferret vs. Grizzly Bear || The women from ''Sorority Girls'' ran in screaming<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 24|Best Of 24]]
|-
| [[Episode 14.8|14.8]] || The Marching Band that Set Off from St. Peter's Church, Main Street vs. the Marching Band that Set Off from Richfield || Set a new record for most combatants (undetermined, but over 13)<br>Repeated on [[The Best of TV Burp 23|Best Of 23]]
|-
| [[Episode 15.1|15.1]] || Henry's Braised Beef and Red Wine Pie vs. Tom's Tri-Pie with Meat, Potato, and Some Greens On Top || 
|-
| [[Episode 15.2|15.2]] || Asticots Blancs Anglais vs. Asticots Roses Francais || "White English Maggots vs. Pink French Maggots"<br>Introduced by Harry in French
|-
| [[Episode 15.3|15.3]] || Rhona's Probing Fingers vs. Paddy's Probing Fingers ||
|-
| [[Episode 15.4|15.4]] || God the Creator vs. Devil the Counterfeiter || God is not seen, but strikes down the Devil into a pile of ash with lightning
|-
| [[Episode 15.5|15.5]] || John Wayne's Hat vs. Agatha Christie's Handbag || Both objects were petrified under the dropping well in Knaresborough
|-
| [[Episode 15.6|15.6]] || Zeus vs. Juice || 
|-
| [[Episode 15.7|15.7]] || New Mouse Droppings vs. Old Mouse Droppings || 
|-
| [[Episode 15.8|15.8]] || The Dramatic Jewellery of Rene Lalique vs. the Organic Forms of Emile Galle's Glass vs. the Alluring Femme Fatale of Alphonse Mucha || 
|}

== Others ==
* In "Episode 6.7", there is a retro-style segment, featuring a fight between Jenny Hanley and the Test Card F girl.
* In an advert for ''TV Burp'' on [[Cartoon Network]], there is a fight between the two halves of the channel logo, the white C in a black square and the black N in a white square.
[[Category:Recurring gags]]